For All Those Nights, I Can't Remember
by toxic-kizz
Summary: "So you made up your mind?" The cool voice asked. For such a fiery person his voice could be so calm and collected. It was something Roxas liked about the man, he could keep himself cool, but he snapped a little bit to easily sometimes. Stopping dead in his tracks, the blonde looked over his shoulder to Axel. [Yaoi (boyxboy) .. you have been warned]


**Umm this is my Third Fanfiction (published) I have about 3 more that I am currently working on.. Well Here you go. I really hope you like it.**

**I do not own Kingdom Hearts, sadly :3**

**ps. This takes place during the Beginning of KH2, but its where Roxas spends that time in the Castle instead of in Twilight town, but Sora is still waking u[p. Just so you know x , x**

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It was a dark night, all had been going wrong. Everyone was after something that Roxas had. All the Organization wanted him for was the God Damn Keyblade. Nothing like being wanted for something you could do. No one cared, he was just a pawn. He was sick and tired of having to feel this way all the time, so he decided he was just going to leave. He was feeling a bit under the weather, but if he didn't leave now it would only get worse. Anywhere would be better then here.

Walking down the dark streets, the empty streets. This place had always been so lonely, so forgotten. He was so deep in thought as he walked he didn't even notice his favorite red head leaning against the side. His arms folded across his chest while the other passed him.

"So you made up your mind?" The cool voice asked. For such a fiery person his voice could be so calm and collected. It was something Roxas liked about the man, he could keep himself cool, but he snapped a little bit to easily sometimes. Stopping dead in his tracks, the blonde looked over his shoulder to Axel. The familiar voice burned through him and he replied simply,

"Why did the Kyblade chose me? I have to know." He looked at the other, his blue gaze was almost nothing. He was to tired to fight but even as he wished to keep this conversation quick, short, and calm.. That wasn't about to happen any time soon. His questions seemed to set something off in the red head, he quickly stepped away from the wall, his voice becoming a bit louder and more serious,

"You can't turn on the organization! You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" The concern and worry was there, clear as ice. But Roxas wasn't in the mood for his friends concern, he didn't care about the organization, just as they didn't care about him. Without him they would be nothing, only he could weld the Keyblade, and they all knew it.

"No one would miss me.." He said simply. He didn't care how much he knew his words could be hurting the other right now. Everything was starting to become hazy. He couldn't think straight anymore, he knew he had to leave this place. He shut his eyes for a moment before he started walking forward once again, not caring to wait for a reply from Axel.

"That's not true! I would.." Axel said, at first fuming with frustration before feeling defeat wash over him. He didn't know what kind of sick idea Roxas had in mind, but he was certainly doing the wrong thing! He looked after the other as he walked, he didn't want to see him go but he knew that once Roxas made up his mind it was hard to stop him from doing what he set his mind to. But then he stopped dead in his tracks, "R-roxas?"

He called out to the other but got no response. Was something wrong? He stepped closer and noticed how wobbly the other looked. Seeing the other sway softly his green eyes widened in shock. He couldn't hold himself back as his leg quickly sent him towards the other. He watched, as if in slow-mo, as the other began to fall backwards. Axel grabbed Roxas in his arms before falling to his knees on the ground. The impact sending shot of pain to quickly hit him, but he ignored it as his green eyes flickered with worry at the pale face.

"Roxas! Roxas, can you hear me?" He asked frantically as he looked down at the other. How could he not of noticed it sooner?! Roxas looked like he was pale, almost as if he hadn't eaten in days and was losing his complexion. His skin was a bit warmer then normal. God, this was bad. Axel struggled to his feet and lifted Roxas into his arms Bridal style. He was not going to let his friend alone in this state. Even if Roxas got mad at him when he woke up, Axel wouldn't care. All he cared about right now was getting Roxas better.

Axel paced the room. It was so white and so quiet. There was just the soft sounds of his footsteps and Roxas' light snoring. The red head paced more and more. It had been a few days now, and Roxas was still out cold. His fever had gone down, but Axel was more worried about when he would finally wake up. Running his hands though his red locks for the fifth time in the last 2 minutes, Axel sighed and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. He had to calm down and put him mind somewhere else, he would go out on a mission, yeah that should pass a few hours.

Shortly after the door closed a silence fell upon the castle. The place was normally so lively, but as of late things were not right. Everything seemed out of place. Maybe he was just imagining things. It was hard to tell anymore, but it was nice. The blonde stirred in the bed, clinging onto the pillow and taking a deep breath. The smell was intoxicating. It smelled just like Axel and he wondered if he was dreaming. There was no way he was in Axel's bed. He was thinking of opening his eyes to check, but his body was so relaxed in the white sheets. It felt like he was supposed to be in the overly warm bed, but he knew something wasn't right.

Sitting up suddenly the blonde flinched and leaned forward, burying his face into his hands as deep as he could. He sat up far to fast and his head was spinning. His hands were cold and moist now and he looked at them and then at the cloth that had fallen from his forehead when he awoken. He blinked his blue eyes as they clouded with confusion. Where was he? Lifting his head he looked around the room and noticed a pair of flame printed, boxers lying on the floor and narrowed his eyes. So he was in Axel's room, but how had he gotten there?

Roxas shut his eyes tightly, almost painfully as he tried to remember. He remembered trying to leave but then everything was a huge blackout. But there were a mix of a silver haired man and a red headed girl. Opening his eyes he blinked in confusion. What on earth? He didn't remember ever seeing those two people before but he shook it off and sighed. He didn't know anymore but he sat up and held the pillow he had been sleeping on, close to his chest. Taking in the scent he smiled softly, _'That's not true! I would..',_ Those words repeated themselves in his head and he smiled a bit more, hugging the pillow tightly. Those words seemed to fill him with happiness, though he wasn't sure why. He was a Nobody. Nobodies didn't have hearts, how could they feel anything like that at all?

The soft murmer of voices outside the door could be heard. It was obvious two of them were arguing once again, but he couldn't make out who it was, his mind was to foggy. How long had he been asleep? Why was he brought back here? Why was he in Axels room and not his own? Not that he was complaining really. He shut his eyes as he felt a pain shoot through his stomach, he hadn't noticed before but he was starving. He must have been out for a few days now, not that he had eaten anything before he left either.

"Roxas?" a surprised voice said causing the blonde to jump and turn his head to look at the other. His wide blue eyes met, almost equally as wide, green eyes. Roxas never heard the door open or the footsteps. Had he been that deep in thought? He didn't really care, all he knew was that his 'heart' had skipped a beat when their eyes met. He gulped and narrowed his eyes and looked down at the pillow in his arms and hugged it tighter,

"Axel.." he responded in a soft voice. He tried to seem upset, but after seeing the other he just couldn't find it in him. He wanted to sigh but didn't want the other to start asking to many questions, though he already knew that he was going to get a bunch of questions. He knew Axel too well, but he had a few questions he wanted to ask this time. He didn't want to look at the other but that plan went down the drain almost instantly as the bed shifted and he looked up to see the other was now sitting on the bed, his green eyes fixed on his pale face. He felt his chest tighten painfully. That idiot! You don't just climb onto a bed when someone else is in it!

"Roxas, I'm glad to see that you are finally awake.." he said in a soft voice, resting a hand on his knee. Roxas felt as if the touch sent a wave a heat through him but he shrugged him off and pulled his knees up to his chest,

"How long was I out..?" he asked, fixing his eyes on his feet. He could almost feel the other sigh at the question. As normal, Roxas was being stubborn. Sometimes Axel just wanted to strangle him until he would be cooperative, but then Roxas just wouldn't be Roxas anymore.

"For about 5 days.. It was starting to stir up the organization. Everyone was a bit worried about you, you know. But you should really eat something.. I brought in come Cinnamon n raisin bagels for you to eat.." he said handing Roxas a try of food. Roxas was ready to turn it away when the warm smell of the cinnamon washed over him with the melting butter on it, only to see some fruit on the side and a glass of milk. He couldn't help but feel as his mouth began to salivate. He gulped and bite his bottom lip, he really didn't want to take it, but there was no way in hell he was going to be able to turn away a meal that looked and smelled as beautiful as this one did.

"U-um.. I .." Roxas couldn't make any words form as his hunger got the best of him. Growling softly to himself he snatched the tray and stuffed his face with one of the bagels, eating it, refusing to look at the other as he eat. Though he could hear the soft chuckle that came from the other, he could feel a heat rise up in his cheeks but the food quickly brushed it away as he hungrily eat the meal. The Bagel was nice and toasted to perfection, the butter melted into it making it soft with the nice crunch. Grabbing the glass of milk he chugged it down and heard a softly chuckle once more and looked over at the red head who watched him shaking his head,

"Can you eat any faster there, Roxxy?" He asked laughing louder. "You must have been really hungry, good thing I brought the food for you."

"Of course I'm hungry, I've been sleeping for five days.." Roxas mumbled around his food. He tried his best to ignore the little nickname, He was starting to feel full as he picked up a nice round purple fruit. It was a plum, its skin looked absolutely wonderful! Roxas took a bit and nibbled on it slowly, it was a lovely plum. The colour was just right, and it was very juicy.

Once finished everything on the tray he used the napkin provided and wiped his face. He was very satisfied at the meal he had just received. Sitting back against the headboard he pulled his knees to his chest once again and looked at the red head who had busied himself in a book. Roxas lifted a brow at this, he would never of guessed that Axel of all people, liked to read. He laughed softly to himself and resumed hugging the pillow. He was much happier now. His belly was full, he was warm in a nice bed, and he was in the company of Axel, nothing else could make this moment any more perfect then it already was. He looked over as the bed shifted and Axel put the book down,

"Axel.. Why did you bring me here to your room? Why wasn't I put in my own room to rest?" he asked looking over at the red head, his blue eyes once again blazing with curiosity. Again, he wasn't complaining he just wanted some answers, and Axel was the person to ask. He watched as the other thought about the questions for a moment before that fiery smiled came to his lips, it made his 'heart' flutter in his chest.

"Ah well, you see when I brought you back, everyone was busy and you needed to be looked after so I brought you in here cause your room was locked. Then I looked after you, Deymx came by a few times to help, but was often to busy. And it was best not to move you once you got comfortable, so you just kind of stayed." He laughed lightly and looked at the other, "Hey now that your up and feeling better want to go and get some Sea Salt ice cream later?" The red head offered, his green eyes lighting up at the very idea. Roxas wanted to laugh at how stupid he looked when he got so excited, he was just like a little kid at times. Smiling softly up at the other, he nodded and that was that.

After an hour or so they headed up. Roxas had taken a shower and cleaned up. He had the colour of his skin back and was looking a lot better now. Just by looking at Roxas no one would ever believe he had just been out cold for five days, starved, or that he had even tried skipping out on the organization. His blue eyes were often distant, but other then that they had their normal glow to them. He sat there on the clock tower, looking out over the small town. Axel had left him there while he went to get their ice cream, but Roxas was fine being alone. It gave him more time to think about what was going on.

_'Sora! You lazy bum!'_  
_'Come on the winner gets to share a paopou fruit with Kiari'_  
_'Those things are called Heartless'_

Roxas grabbed onto his head and groaned softly. These strange voices were filling his head. They weren't voices he'd ever heard before, but he recognized them and could put a name to each of them. It was so confusing and he was starting to get more and more confused by the second. What was going on with him? What was wrong with him? Growling softly to himself he leaned back and watched the sunset. It was a lovely night out, and he smiled a little bit, it was calming to watch the orange and pink clouds slowly grow darker.

"Hey Roxas? Don't pass out, you might fall off." a teasing voice chuckled as the red head appeared from the shadows. With that he sat beside the blonde and pulled out the two ice creams from the plastic bag he carried and handed one to his friend. The setting sun made his red hair look like fire, Roxas thought to himself. It suited the pyromaniac. Muttering his thanks they both sat there eating their ice cream. It was nice, as well as something they hadn't done in a while. It was relaxing, and a lovely day to top it all off as well. Even in the silence he was happy, just being next to the other.

"Hey Roxas, you're a real messy eater ya know.." he chuckled, getting the others attention. As Roxas turned his head Axel took a hold of his chin and pulled him closer and pressed their lips together. His lips were really warm against Roxas'. The heat inside Axel was almost always present, even without him generating fire. Roxas blinked in surprise, his blue eyes widened at the others actions but that didn't stop his 'heart' from doing a few good flips in his chest. He didn't know what to do as the other kissed him softly, almost unsure of himself. Roxas let go of all of his rational mind and kissed the other back almost forcefully, now shocking the pyro.

Without any further thought, Axel deepened the kiss, holding Roxas' smaller body close to his own. He was expecting Roxas to push him away like he normally did when ever they were joking around, but instead he welcomed him eagerly. Axel smiled softly into the kiss, before he pulled away and smiled at the other before resting his forehead on the others. He didn't want to do anything else, he wasn't going to jeopardize their relationship as it was, not only that but he knew how tired Roxas must have been as of late.

"Well Axel, I wasn't expecting that at all from you." Roxas said with a soft laugh, his voice just above a whisper. His blonde hair falling in his face as he peered through it at the red head. His 'heart' was racing in his chest, he was happy to of been able to kiss the other, but more then that, he was glad that Axel was the one who started it, therefore proving he held some kind of feelings for him in return. They were Nobodies, they weren't supposed to have feelings, let alone hearts. It wasn't normal, and yet somehow the two of them held feelings for each other.

"Roxas, you make me feel as though I have a heart. You are my heart." he whispered back in a soft, almost loving tone. Lifting his other hand to brush the blonde hair from the others eyes before giving him a quick peck on the lips. The smiles that the two exchanged lasted a few seconds, but it felt like it lasted forever. Finally Axel pulled away and helped Roxas to his feet, smiling at him, "It's starting to get pretty late, I think that it is about time we headed back."

With a nod of his head, Roxas happily stood up and walked through the portal back to Castle Oblivion. That night they shared dinner with the rest of the organization followed by a quick meeting. It was a normal evening there at the castle only this time it ended differently. Roxas had been dragged into Axel's room for the night. They simply cuddled and spooned until they fell asleep.

About a week had gone by. Day after day Roxas woke up remembering less and less. He was often cautious around the other members, not sure who they were or why he was there. He was having these weird dreams about a brown haired man named Sora. Sora looked a lot like him, but he acted so much more differently. Most of these dreams consisted of Roxas being the the body of this Sora. He saw and felt everything he did and was often confused by it. When he woke the dreams were like his memories. Each morning he woke up next to the red head who soothed him and told him everything was alright. Axel. That named was burned into his memory, he had it memorized by heart.

"Roxas, your burning up.." a concerned voice said looking at him with worry. Those green eyes always seemed to fill him with relief, and comforted him. The blonde laughed softly and chuckled,

"You sure I'm burning up, Axel? You the one who is fire." he joked with a weak laugh. He didn't want to admit he felt weak, or that he was so overly tired. His skin was slowly starting to pale again, but not nearly as bad, not to mention his face was flushed a bright red. He knew he had a fever but he didn't want to go to sleep or rest, something in the pit of his stomach told him he'd never wake up again if he did.

"Roxas.." Sighed Axel. He knew Roxas was avoiding the topic and he was really worrying about the other. He was forgetting more and more each day, and now he was sick. There was something wrong with Roxas and he needed to rest. The concern filtering through his green eyes were intense, but Roxas shrugged it off and smiled as brightly as he could. He tilted his head to the side and hugged the taller mans arm to his chest,

"Axel I want to go to the clock tower! If you take me there I promise I will rest." He said, his cloudy blue eyes shining slightly as he begged. He could see the frustration fill Axel's normally calm green eyes, "Pleeease!" He begged once more before he heard the sigh he was waiting for. He knew Axel couldn't say no to him. He could see a slight pain brim his eyes as defeat washed over them and he shrugged,

"It's raining, and your not feeling well.. But we can go but only for a little while and then you have to stay in bed until you are completely better. Deal?" He said looking down at Roxas, who simply beamed. Axel felt bad looking into those shining eyes, something didn't feel right but if it meant Roxas would rest after this, then he'd do it. Leaning forward he pecked the blondes lip lightly.

Axel felt bad, but Roxas felt even worse. In the pit of his stomach a growing pain rose and twisted through his insides painfully. His dreams had warned him of this, but he really didn't want to let go.. He didn't want to let go of Axel or anything else, even if he couldn't remember anything else. Either way, he wanted to go to the Clock tower and he was happy he would get to go there once more with Axel.

Axel got them both ready before he opened the dark portal to the clock tower where he stepped out, holding Roxas close to his side. Almost Instantly the rain pelted them both as they stood there. Roxas could feel the pain wash deeper into him as his memory became less and less of his own, turning to face the other he pressed their lips together for a quick second before pulling back with a broken smile.

Looking down at the perfect face before his own he watched as the smile he knew and loved became broken. It was normally so full of life and laughter, and now it was dead and almost forced. He furrowed his brows in confusion and to add to it he saw those eyes, they seemed so pale and lifeless now. They were pooled with what looked like tears, but he wasn't able to tell with the rain, but then the arms wrapped around him and held tightly to him,

"Axel. I'm so sorry.." he sobbed into the others damp, black hoodie. Axel was confused but before he could even speak something felt wrong, Roxas was slowly becoming transparent, and it was almost as if he was dreaming. What was going on?! His voice was lost as he looked at the other in horror as he stepped back, "I have to go away now Axel. I promise never to forget you, after all you're my heart." he said smiling softly as he faded more and more. Everything seemed so unreal. The rain started to pass right through what was left of his body.

"No! Roxas!" Axel called, almost like a demand. It was like he was trying to demand the other return to him. He stepped towards him reaching out, hoping if he could grab his hand, he could pull Roxas back to him, so that he would never have to leave his side. But As he thought he grabbed his hand, he faded, but not before he caught the others last few words,

_'Never forget me Axel'_

Axel stood there, where Roxas just was. His arm fell to his side as the rain seemed to fall faster on him, his red hair drooping lower, and sticking to his face. He couldn't process what had just happened. What just happened? In frustration at his own confusion Axel grabbed the sides of his head and screamed out into the storm. As he screamed, tears escaped and started to fall rapidly from his eyes. Unable to stand any longer he fell to his knees, the familiar pain shooting through his body at the contact. He burried his hand in his face. The first time he almost lost the love of his life, his heart. This time he couldn't do anything to stop him from leaving his side. This time he lost him, and now he was once again Heartless.

_'I promise you Roxas, I will never forget you. I will fight until I can see you once again.. I promise.'_

The Pyro smirked to the brunette and threw his weapon at all of the Nobodies that surrounded them both,

"Hey! Look out Sora!" He called as he jumped from the ground catching both of the round weapons. Their spikes sharp, and the flames dancing on the edges as the smirked, his gaze falling on all of his targets below. Gathering up as much power as he could he made sure that Sora was out of the way. The look of determination that burned in Sora's blue eyes gave Axel the last bit of energy he needed. He was doing this for Sora, the man who now protected what was left of Roxas. He knew this move would kill him after, but he had to help them, he needed to help them do the right thing.

Oblivious to this Sora got out of the way and watched in amazement as the red head Released his weapons and they scorched the room of enemies, killing them all and ending the, what seemed to be, endless attacks. Sora's eyes lit up as he watch the flames dance before he looked over at Axel who had a half smile before his knees trembled. Sora gasped and raced to his side and helped him lie down, hoping he would be able to rest enough.

Axel smiled as the other raced over and he shut his green eyes, chuckled softly. Opening them he looked up into those beautiful blue eyes, his 'heart' dancing in his chest,

"There you go Sora. We did it."

"But Axel! Your hurt! We have to d-"

"No, there nothing left for me. I'm done, I've done my job here, and besides its better I die here with an ally then to go back and be killed by the organization for betraying them." He smiled softly and lifted his arm, putting his gloved hand to Sora's cheek. Normally Sora would of flinched away from the sudden sign of affection, but he didn't he just smiled softly. He knew Roxas was Axel's best friend and he could feel his heart twist at the sight of Axel beginning to fade,

"Axel.. Roxas always did love you. He's going to really miss you.." Sora whispered softly as the red head chuckled,

"Well I'm sure he know I already got that memorized." he chuckled before the darkness consumed his body. Sora watched this and he could feel his heart twist again, sending a pain through his chest. Roxas's feeling finally showing through at the death of his best friend and the heart that had belonged to him. A tear fell from Sora's eyes and he welcomed it. He couldn't imagine having to see the person he love die before his very eyes like that, but he managed to smile a little bit.

Roxas smiled to himself, and let the tears fall. _'It must have been this hard for Axel when I left him, the poor idiot..'_ he thought to himself as Sora cleaned himself up and continued on his way through the portal Axel had made for him. Roxas smiled at being able to see him one last time before they had to go their own ways forever. He was sad, but happy at the same time. This time he had a heart and he felt the emotions for real through Sora, but he still felt as if he had just lost his heart, but this was Sora's story, not theirs, as much as he wished it was his own story.

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**Well... there you go.. I know its not smut! I'm surprised as well! Anyways here it is, my one shot.. I really hope you all enjoyed it, sorry the ending seemed a little bit rushed, I hope you still enjoyed 3**


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